Man forced to think about breast in a non-sexual way for five seconds; survives ordeal

[Impropaganda News Service exclusive]

A New Brunswick man is reported to have survived a non-sexual encounter with a human breast.  Jason Salaziole, a 19-year old pre-law student, was going for a jog in the public park when he encountered a woman nursing her baby on the bench.  Salaziole could not actually see any part of the breast, which was covered partly by the baby’s head and partly by the woman’s shirt.  Nonetheless, he quickly realized what the woman was doing.

“I felt violated.  She was clearly breastfeeding,”  Salaziole told reporters after he was revived from fainting from the shock.

Although Salaziole felt deeply traumatized by the incident, doctors confirmed that he is in stable condition and that he suffered no lasting damage.

Breastphobics’ rights advocates quickly used the incident to raise awareness about their cause.

“Our organization’s goal is to prevent incidents like these from happening again,” Citizens against Mammary Indecency president Trip Balfore explained.  “We support even public exposure of breasts as long as the context is an appropriate one, like at Mardi Gras, or any of the myriad of examples in videos like Girls Gone Wild.  However, feeding a baby is clearly not an appropriate situation for the breast to appear. ”

Balfore quickly added that even though the woman’s breast was not technically exposed during the incident in question, “[s]he essentially forced Salaziole, an innocent passerby, to think about the breast in a non-sexual way.”